An exciting new chapter!

I have great news! I am starting a new job in about 2 weeks! More details on that below, but firstly, I’d like to give a Prozac update: today marks the 10th day that I’ve been on 20 mg of Prozac, and I can’t say that I’ve gone through any tremendous changes in terms of my anxiety and OCD yet; however, the side of effect of drowsiness and feeling sleepy is hitting me HARD. Apparently, this is completely normal in the first few weeks, and as my body gets used to the medication, that side effect should subside. We shall see about that, won’t we? For now, I take a nap every afternoon, and that helps a bit.

Now, on to the fun stuff! Last Friday, I was offered a position with a local non-profit as a Business Manager. The organization assists people with disabilities find jobs, housing, and community/volunteering opportunities. The office only has 3 other ladies working in it, and we each have our own office. This job will be mostly in person, but I do have the option of working from home once or twice per week after my training period. My job duties will cover some admin, some HR, and some accounting. It’s actually extremely similar to what I did prior to my recruiting job, so I’m looking forward to a position with less emphasis on numbers and profit, and more of a focus on community and giving back.

Some other notes about the past week or so:

  • I have most definitely put up our Christmas tree
  • It has been in the 30s in Atlanta this week (and rainy!)
  • My wife is currently obsessed with keyboards and making them “thocky” (please, just look it up)
  • I baked some thumbprint cookies last week- the first thing I’ve baked in about 2 months
  • I painted the one navy blue wall in our bedroom and I LOVE IT! The bedroom now gives red clay vibes. Very calm.

Prozac

So, after 12 years of anxiety, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and nervous sweating, I have finally decided to give medication a whirl. I’ve done therapy for a few years now, and I do find it’s been helping me be more kind to myself and not have such unrealistically high expectations for myself; however, I can’t say it’s helped or relieved my anxiety a noticeable amount.

Today is my first day on 20 mg of Fluoxetine, also known as Prozac. I was advised by my therapist to keep a log on my feelings, both mental and physical, just to track any progress or changes this medication may cause. I have also asked my wife to keep an eye on my behaviors and general existence to see if she notices anything different in the coming weeks.

It’s only day one, so I can’t say that I have felt any changes, but I will record updates at least once per week to take note of even the smallest signs of progress.

Things I expect:

  • less noise in my brain day to day
  • better sleep
  • less overthinking
  • some drowsiness

Things I do not expect:

  • complete elimation of my anxiety

I have some goals outlined for the next 6-12 months and starting medication is both one of those goals and it is something that should make achieving my other goals a little easier.

  1. Start medication for anxiety
  2. Start a new job (9-5, in-office, non-profit)
  3. Gain strength and stamina through gym/rock-climbing
  4. Save money & take a break from mini trips in 2023 (we have 1 big trip to Germany planned next Christmas)
  5. Build my confidence from the ground up & learn to better enjoy the life we’re living

I believe that I have less confidence now than I did in high school, and I think that is because of a few reasons- I can’t pinpoint it to just one. I also think my anxiety has become more manageable because of experience and living in constant exposure therapy, but it’s also more frequent, so I feel like I live in a constant state of anxiety whenever I exit the cozy and safe walls of my home.

It’s important to me to enjoy this first year of married life and treat it like the new beginning it is. I pretend like life goes on as before, and in some aspects it absolutely does and will; however, I’ve pledged my heart to the woman I love for the rest of my life. I have no intention of doing all this again- that sounds exhausting, and we have a wonderful relationship that I don’t want to try replicating. This is our life together, and I see this year as one where we continue to grow as individuals, side by side, supporting each other. You can still learn new things, join new clubs, and reinvent who you are without losing your partner in the dust. I am so thankful that I have someone who loves me inside and out, and who creates spaces for me to explore who I want to be without boundaries and judgement.

Things I am excited about:

  • holiday season
  • holiday smells
  • holiday baked goods
  • visiting Helen, GA for the first time
  • spending Christmas with my mom
  • new job
  • a routine
  • date nights with my wife
  • playing video games
  • redecorating our bedroom to make it more cozy
  • holiday movie nights
  • hot chocolate when it’s freezing outside
  • looking out of my cozy house’s windows as it rains outside
  • holidays songs and music