I have had 2 therapy sessions since my last post. The past 3 days or so have been nice. Today, my partner also proposed that we go walking and eat ice cream this weekend, and I am excited for that. We are also making date night every Friday a priority, so that has been something my brain gets to look forward to. Tomorrow we will be trying out some thai basil fried rice. My partner makes THE BEST thai basil fried rice, so we are seeing if this local restaurant can match the quality that she brings to the table; I am doubtful.
In my therapy sessions, we are trying to dissect the feelings of guilt I have when I am not doing something that my brain deems as “productive”. Whether there is little to nothing to do, or there is simply too much to do, I feel guilt for not doing something or not doing everything. My brain is just really aggressive in making me feel like I need to always be doing something to achieve visible results.
The other thing we are trying to learn more about is if my current and future attempts at “busying myself” (volunteering, playing video games, baking, hanging out with friends, etc.) are just masking my feelings of loneliness in the moment, or if they are actually contributing to my long-term “contentness” and ability to enjoy times when I am not in my house, AKA, my safe space.
I mean, I think I will ultimately need to find a healthy balance of alone time, time with my partner, and time that involves being social with other humans. I need to incorporate activities that I find a productive use of my time that will give me those results (home improvement, directly impacting a person, gaining a skill, completing chores, etc.), as well as activities that are meant to be purely for entertainment, relaxation, or pleasure (watching movies, playing games, going out to eat/drink, writing, etc.).
I am hopeful for the future. On a super duper amazing note: I am officially getting my braces off in 4 weeks. I got scans taken of my mouth today and the retainers have been ordered. I am SO READY to be done with this process. I am glad I did it, but, damn, I am 100000% over it.
Until next time!