So, after 12 years of anxiety, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and nervous sweating, I have finally decided to give medication a whirl. I’ve done therapy for a few years now, and I do find it’s been helping me be more kind to myself and not have such unrealistically high expectations for myself; however, I can’t say it’s helped or relieved my anxiety a noticeable amount.
Today is my first day on 20 mg of Fluoxetine, also known as Prozac. I was advised by my therapist to keep a log on my feelings, both mental and physical, just to track any progress or changes this medication may cause. I have also asked my wife to keep an eye on my behaviors and general existence to see if she notices anything different in the coming weeks.
It’s only day one, so I can’t say that I have felt any changes, but I will record updates at least once per week to take note of even the smallest signs of progress.
Things I expect:
- less noise in my brain day to day
- better sleep
- less overthinking
- some drowsiness
Things I do not expect:
- complete elimation of my anxiety
I have some goals outlined for the next 6-12 months and starting medication is both one of those goals and it is something that should make achieving my other goals a little easier.
- Start medication for anxiety
- Start a new job (9-5, in-office, non-profit)
- Gain strength and stamina through gym/rock-climbing
- Save money & take a break from mini trips in 2023 (we have 1 big trip to Germany planned next Christmas)
- Build my confidence from the ground up & learn to better enjoy the life we’re living
I believe that I have less confidence now than I did in high school, and I think that is because of a few reasons- I can’t pinpoint it to just one. I also think my anxiety has become more manageable because of experience and living in constant exposure therapy, but it’s also more frequent, so I feel like I live in a constant state of anxiety whenever I exit the cozy and safe walls of my home.
It’s important to me to enjoy this first year of married life and treat it like the new beginning it is. I pretend like life goes on as before, and in some aspects it absolutely does and will; however, I’ve pledged my heart to the woman I love for the rest of my life. I have no intention of doing all this again- that sounds exhausting, and we have a wonderful relationship that I don’t want to try replicating. This is our life together, and I see this year as one where we continue to grow as individuals, side by side, supporting each other. You can still learn new things, join new clubs, and reinvent who you are without losing your partner in the dust. I am so thankful that I have someone who loves me inside and out, and who creates spaces for me to explore who I want to be without boundaries and judgement.
Things I am excited about:
- holiday season
- holiday smells
- holiday baked goods
- visiting Helen, GA for the first time
- spending Christmas with my mom
- new job
- a routine
- date nights with my wife
- playing video games
- redecorating our bedroom to make it more cozy
- holiday movie nights
- hot chocolate when it’s freezing outside
- looking out of my cozy house’s windows as it rains outside
- holidays songs and music
The Anxious Lesbian 